The Six Types of Roleplayers

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The Six Types of Roleplayers

Postby Corvus » Mon Sep 21, 2009 3:40 pm

I found this article http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75882/19554766/Six_Types_Of_Roleplayers_long and I thought it was so amusing I had to post it over on these boards. Enjoy!

Real Men: Bash down the door, kill the monsters, save the princess.
Real Roleplayers: Auditioning for a Broadway play.
Real Loons: The Three Stooges would take lessons from them.
Real Munchkins: If you have to ask, you are one.
Real Jerks: The less fun you have, the more fun they have.
Real Lawyers: Thou shalt only have fun as the rules dictate.

1. How they regard Real Men.
Real Men are brothers in arms, fight together to save the world.
Real Roleplayers hide behind them.
Real Loons try to get them to lighten up, preferable from a safe distance.
Real Munchkins try to emulate them but end up getting themselves killed, or more likely, getting everyone else killed.
Real Jerks help them to die a glorious death, at least just die.
Real Lawyers double check their abilities.

2. How they regard Real Roleplayers.
Real Men protect them, usually from themselves.
Real Roleplayers have great romances, blood feuds, and share recipes.
Real Loons mock them with overdramatic interest in an NPC’s family history.
Real Munchkins complain they take away from game time.
Real Jerks guilt them into doing what they want.
Real Lawyers complain they take away from game time.

3. How they regard Real Loons.
Real Men will smack them upside the head if they get close enough.
Real Roleplayers sigh “At least they’re roleplaying”.
Real Loons one up each other in practical jokes.
Real Munchkins try to emulate them and fail horribly.
Real Jerks encourage them in hopes they get themselves killed. A Loon is only permitted one joke at his expense, for then the Jerk will kill him.
Real Lawyers ruin their jokes by showing how they don’t follow the rules thus can’t work.

4. How they regard Real Munchkins.
Real Men ignore them.
Real Roleplayers trick them into doing something stupid. Very easy.
Real Loons continuously play practical jokes against them.
Real Munchkins don’t recognize themselves.
Real Jerks find them too easy, but will get them killed off if bored or they become too annoying.
Real Lawyers constantly roll their eyes and explain, again, how they’re not following the rules.

5. How they regard Real Jerks.
Real Men shun them and will even quit a gaming group because of them.
Real Roleplayers sigh “At least they’re roleplaying.”
Real Loons continuously push their buttons.
Real Munchkins have a vendetta against them in perpetuity, regardless of character, campaign, or game.
Real Jerks team up and share smug looks with each other.
Real Lawyers grit their teeth because they are following the rules.

6. How they regard Real Lawyers
Real Men tell them to shut up because they’re ruining the fun.
Real Roleplayers tell them to shut up because they’re ruining the fun.
Real Loons use the rules to have something stupid happen then shove it in their faces with a smile.
Real Munchkins argue back they are following the rules and show precisely how they can get +50 to hit, +100 damage.
Real Jerks go out of their way to show how they follow the rules when the Real Lawyer’s character bites it.
Real Lawyers have alignment debates.

7. Preferred character creation method.
Real Men like 4d6, drop lowest, arrange as desired.
Real Roleplayers like 32 Point Buy
Real Loons like 3d6, in order.
Real Munchkins like 6d6, reroll ones, drop lowest.
Real Jerks like 25 Point Buy
Real Lawyers like 28 Point Buy

8. Favorite race.
Real Men like humans and dwarves.
Real Roleplayers like elves and half-elves.
Real Loons like halflings.
Real Munchkins like what is most appropriate for the class they want to play.
Real Jerks like gnomes.
Real Lawyers like what is most appropriate for the class they want to play.

9. Favorite alignment.
Real Men are Lawful Good.
Real Roleplayers are Neutral Good.
Real Loons are Chaotic Neutral.
Real Munchkins are Lawful Good on the character sheet, Chaotic Evil in play.
Real Jerks are True Neutral on the character sheet, Neutral Evil in play.
Real Lawyers are whatever fits their current character.

10. Favorite Class, PHB.
Real Men play Paladins, Rangers, Fighters, or Barbarians.
Real Roleplayers play Clerics or Druids.
Real Loons play Bards or Rogues.
Real Munchkins play Paladins, Wizards, or Sorcerers.
Real Jerks play Rogues.
Real Lawyers play what they didn’t play last game.

11. Favorite Class, non-PHB.
Real Men play Crusaders, Warblades, Psy-Warriors, Duskblades, or Knights.
Real Roleplayers play Favored Souls, Erudites, Shujengas, or Wu-Jen.
Real Loons play Spellthieves or Soulknives.
Real Munchkins play Ninjas or Psions.
Real Jerks play Beguilers or Psions.
Real Lawyers play what they didn’t play last game.

12. Favorite Feat
Real Men take Power Attack.
Real Roleplayers take Negotiator or Persuasive.
Real Loons take Skill Focus (Basket weaving).
Real Munchkins take Improved Initiative.
Real Jerks take Quick Draw or Weapon Finesse
Real Lawyers take Leadership.

13. Favorite Skill
Real Men like Intimidate.
Real Roleplayers like Diplomacy.
Real Loons like Profession.
Real Munchkins like Tumble.
Real Jerks like Spot, Search, Hide, Move Silently, and Pick Pocket.
Real Lawyers like Search.

14. Favorite Wizard spell.
Real Men cast Displacement.
Real Roleplayers cast Summon Monster
Real Loons cast Tasha’s Hideous Laughter.
Real Munchkins cast Fireball.
Real Jerks cast Invisibility.
Real Lawyers cast Suggestion.

15. Favorite Cleric spell.
Real Men cast Bull’s Strength.
Real Roleplayers cast Sanctuary.
Real Loons cast Create Water.
Real Munchkins cast Divine Power.
Real Jerks cast (Greater) Command.
Real Lawyers cast Holy Word.

16. Favorite Cleric Domain.
Real Men like Strength.
Real Roleplayers like Animal.
Real Loons like Luck.
Real Munchkins like War.
Real Jerks like Luck.
Real Lawyers like Magic.

17. Favorite Druid spell.
Real Men cast Flame Blade.
Real Roleplayers cast Speak With Plants.
Real Loons cast Giant Vermin.
Real Munchkins cast Finger Of Death.
Real Jerks cast Creeping Doom.
Real Lawyers cast Flaming Sphere.

18. Favorite Prestige Class.
Real Men like Hospitaler.
Real Roleplayers like Divine Oracle.
Real Loons like Shining Blade Of Heironeous.
Real Munchkins like Planar Shepherd.
Real Jerks like Loremaster.
Real Lawyers like Abjurant Champion.

19. Favorite Druid Animal Companion.
Real Men want a brown bear.
Real Roleplayers want a badger.
Real Loons want a pony.
Real Munchkins want a Tyrannosaurus.
Real Jerks want a snake.
Real Lawyers want a dire wolverine.

20. Favorite Ranger Favored Enemies.
Real Men fight Undead, Outsider (Evil), Dragon, Giant, Aberration.
Real Roleplayers fight Humanoid (goblinoid), Humanoid (orc), Humanoid (reptilian), Humanoid (gnoll), Elemental
Real Loons fight Ooze, Fey, Plant, Vermin, Magical beast
Real Munchkins fight Humanoid (human), Humanoid (orc), Dragon, Giant, Monstrous Humanoid.
Real Jerks fight whatever races other players have then whatever DM throws at party the most.
Real Lawyers fight whatever races DM throw at party the most.

21. Favorite Familiar.
Real Men have an Owl.
Real Roleplayers have a Raven.
Real Loons have a Toad.
Real Munchkins have a Weasel.
Real Jerks have a Rat.
Real Lawyers have a Bat.

22. Favorite magic armor.
Real Men wear Fortification armor.
Real Roleplayers wear Glamered armor.
Real Loons wear Undead Controlling armor.
Real Munchkins wear +5 Animated Heavy Shield, +5 Full Plate, Spell Resistance, Invulnerability, Fire Resistance, Acid Resistance, Electricity Resistance, Fortification, Slick, Greater Silent Moves
Real Jerks wear Elven Chain shirt +3.
Real Lawyers wear Full Plate +2, Fire Resistance.

23. Favorite magic weapon.
Real Men wield Holy Avenger or Sunblade.
Real Roleplayers wield Shatterspike.
Real Loons wield Great sword +2, Berserking, Cursed.
Real Munchkins wield Great sword +5, Shocking Burst, Speed, Spellstoring, Dragonbane, Giantbane, Keen.
Real Jerks wield Shortsword of Speed.
Real Lawyers wield Flaming Longsword +2.

24. Favorite ring.
Real Men wear Ring of Protection +2.
Real Roleplayers wear Ring of Sustenance.
Real Loons wear Ring of Improved Climbing.
Real Munchkins wear Ring of Djinni Calling.
Real Jerks wear Ring of Invisibility.
Real Lawyers wear Ring of Telekinesis.

25. Favorite rod.
Real Men use Rod of Lordly Might.
Real Roleplayers use Rod of Splendor.
Real Loons use Rod of Cancellation.
Real Munchkins use Rod of Wonder.
Real Jerks use Rod of Absorption.
Real Lawyers use Rod of Security.

26. Favorite staff.
Real Men use Staff Of Healing.
Real Roleplayers use Staff Of Divination.
Real Loons use Staff Of Evocation.
Real Munchkins break the Staff Of Power.
Real Jerks use Staff Of Transmutation.
Real Lawyers use Staff Of Size Alteration.

27. Favorite minor wondrous item.
Real Men wear Cloak Of Resistance +1.
Real Roleplayers use Quaal’s Feather Token - Tree.
Real Loons wear Robe Of Useful Items.
Real Munchkins wear Necklace of Fireball Type III.
Real Jerks use a Bag Of Holding Type II.
Real Lawyers wear Amulet Of Health +2.

28. Favorite medium wondrous item.
Real Men wear Bracers of Armor +5.
Real Roleplayers use Figurine Of Wondrous Power, Onyx Dog.
Real Loons wear Boots Of Speed.
Real Munchkins wield Mattock Of The Titans.
Real Jerks wear Cloak Of Minor Displacement.
Real Lawyers wear Belt Of Giant Strength +4.

29. Favorite major wondrous item.
Real Men read Manual of Gainful Exercise +4.
Real Roleplayers use the Gem Of Seeing.
Real Loons use the Apparatus Of Kwalish.
Real Munchkins wear the Helm Of Brilliance.
Real Jerks wear Cloak Of Major Displacement.
Real Lawyers wear the Robe Of Eyes.

30. Favorite minor artifact.
Real Men like Hammer Of Thunderbolts.
Real Roleplayers like Philosopher’s Stone.
Real Loons like Sphere Of Annihilation.
Real Munchkins like Deck Of Many Things.
Real Jerks like Talisman Of Zagy.
Real Lawyers like Book Of Infinite Spells.

31. Favorite major artifact.
Real Men like The Shield Of Prator.
Real Roleplayers like The Orbs Of Dragon Kind.
Real Loons like The Moaning Diamond.
Real Munchkins like The Hand And Eye Of Vecna.
Real Jerks like The Sword Of Kas.
Real Lawyers like The Shadowstaff.

32. Favorite way for their character to die.
Real Men like to be a martyr.
Real Roleplayers like to give a Final Speech.
Real Loons like to die the first game session.
Real Munchkins huh?
Real Jerks don’t even lose a hit point, they’re so superior, but they are plotting to kill your character. Might as well create a new one now.
Real Lawyers don’t want the DM to fudge.

33. How they prefer treasure division.
Real Men want treasure to go to who can use it the most and then who’s behind.
Real Roleplayers discuss what everyone else needs and take the leftovers.
Real Loons prefer using an item without knowing what it does, then keep it.
Real Munchkins loot other party members’ dead bodies. Sometimes they’re not dead yet.
Real Jerks treasure hunt while the rest of the party is engaged in battle or otherwise go on many side quests for their own private stash. They never tell the party all of what they find that is legitimately group treasure. Will sometimes steal from other party members.
Real Lawyers want all items identified, everyone gets an equal share, and roll off if two or more players want the same item.

34. Favorite monster.
Real Men fight dragons.
Real Roleplayers fight vampires.
Real Loons fight kobolds.
Real Munchkins fight the Tarrasque.
Real Jerks kiss succubi.
Real Lawyers can tell you the monster statistics.

35. New player joins the group.
Real Men demand he proves himself in battle.
Real Roleplayers ask him lots of questions, in and out of character.
Real Loons see if he can take a joke.
Real Munchkins ignore him.
Real Jerks take advantage of him.
Real Lawyers make sure he doesn’t cheat.

36. As the DM.
Real Men provide lots of dungeon crawls, lots of combat, little roleplay filler to explain why the party is entering the next dungeon.
Real Roleplayers provide political intrigue, family feuds, romantic interludes, riddles, puzzles, and when combat does happen, it’s the Mother Of All Combats To Save The World Or Else You’re Doomed! Doomed! DOOMED!
Real Loons trap the loo.
Real Munchkins give out all magic items and have the party kill gods.
Real Jerks boast their PC death count.
Real Lawyers have their own Handbook of House Rules.

37. If the entire playing group is one.
Real Men play miniatures.
Real Roleplayers LARP.
Real Loons play a game, then play a different game next week, then go to the movies the next week, everyone simultaneously forget to meet the following week, complain there’s nothing to do the week after, then play a game the next week, play a different game the following week …
Real Munchkins scream and shout, driving their parents, neighbors, store patrons, etc., crazy.
Real Jerks go to the bar.
Real Lawyers break up after 3 months because of all the rules arguments.

38. At a gaming convention.
Real Men go to the dealer’s room.
Real Roleplayers try to figure out the Con puzzle.
Real Loons dress up in crazy costumes.
Real Munchkins run and shout.
Real Jerks sign up for games, taking up slots, then don’t show up.
Real Lawyers only play games they are intimately familiar with and insist others are playing it wrong.

39. There’s a tavern fight.
Real Men are in heaven.
Real Roleplayers hide under the table.
Real Loons started it.
Real Munchkins attack the women and children.
Real Jerks steal the cash.
Real Lawyers improvise weapons, spending 5 minutes to come up with the combat statistics.

40. How they fight the dragon.
Real Men face it head on.
Real Roleplayers rescue the dragon’s prisoner if there is one; otherwise they use battle tactics.
Real Loons wake the dragon.
Real Munchkins wield their +5 Vorpal Sword of Dragon Slaying.
Real Jerk steal the treasure while everyone else is fighting.
Real Lawyers complain the battle is too easy.
Live with gratitude.
Focus on the wins.
~Corvus~
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Re: The Six Types of Roleplayers

Postby Corvus » Mon Sep 21, 2009 3:47 pm

41: What shape is your character sheet in?
Real Men: Pretty good, except for the beer/soda stains and a salsa stain.
Real Roleplayers: Pristine and Laminated, thank you very much.
Real Loons: Right here! *holds up crumpled ball of papers*
Real Munchkins: *holds up eraser-covered sheet* Why, yes I always had 18 dexterity and 14 ranks in Escape Artist...
Real Jerks: What business is it of yours? This is my character. Stop metagaming, but I'll tell you something. My Strength is higher than yours.
Real Lawyers: Good, I keep it in a folder that I never forget to bring.
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Re: The Six Types of Roleplayers

Postby Tevas » Tue Sep 22, 2009 10:07 am

95% of everything listed under Real Jerks applies down to the atomic level of every character ever played by 2.0
Tevas wrote:You will soon come to fear the Wrath of the Righteous.

Matt Larsen wrote:The defining characteristic of a warrior is the willingness to close with the enemy.

Ashen Spire wrote:I am part of the siege weapon.
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Re: The Six Types of Roleplayers

Postby Corvus » Tue Sep 22, 2009 12:43 pm

Tevas wrote:95% of everything listed under Real Jerks applies down to the atomic level of every character ever played by 2.0

My goodness! Surely that couldn't have been a reason why I found this list so entertaining!

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Re: The Six Types of Roleplayers

Postby 2.0 » Tue Sep 22, 2009 1:15 pm

I was thinking the exact same thing the entire time I was reading that lol don't hate cause I hate metagamers. And I'm pretty sure that makes you a munchkin Corvus
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Re: The Six Types of Roleplayers

Postby Corvus » Tue Sep 22, 2009 2:34 pm

2.0 wrote:I was thinking the exact same thing the entire time I was reading that lol don't hate cause I hate metagamers. And I'm pretty sure that makes you a munchkin Corvus

Pretty much
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Re: The Six Types of Roleplayers

Postby Jareth » Tue Sep 22, 2009 5:34 pm

Tevas wrote:95% of everything listed under Real Jerks applies down to the atomic level of every character ever played by 2.0


So that's why we ended up having to kill him.
"I'm part of the siege weapon."
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Re: The Six Types of Roleplayers

Postby tarsus » Tue Sep 22, 2009 5:48 pm

I wish this wasn't happening right now.
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Re: The Six Types of Roleplayers

Postby Bartacus » Tue Sep 22, 2009 6:52 pm

I thought I was a ~Real Roleplayer~ at first, but as I read on that idea quickly went away.

I'm a whole mash-up of things.
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Re: The Six Types of Roleplayers

Postby Corvus » Wed Sep 23, 2009 8:36 am

I thought I was a munchkin, but I think I'm more of a man/roleplayer/lawyer....
...wtf?
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Re: The Six Types of Roleplayers

Postby Jareth » Wed Sep 23, 2009 9:17 am

I'm almost entirely a Lawyer. With only a couple of Man. Who wants to agree that Aurel is the Loon? Even if he takes it back, we all know it is his impulse.
"I'm part of the siege weapon."
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Re: The Six Types of Roleplayers

Postby Corvus » Wed Sep 23, 2009 9:19 am

yah, Jareth, you're most certainly a lawyer. And Aurel is a cross between a Man and a Loon.
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Re: The Six Types of Roleplayers

Postby Tevas » Thu Sep 24, 2009 10:56 am

Youre going to miss it, Corvus. They're all about to get their asses severely beat...by a moose...a moose eating walnuts...
Tevas wrote:You will soon come to fear the Wrath of the Righteous.

Matt Larsen wrote:The defining characteristic of a warrior is the willingness to close with the enemy.

Ashen Spire wrote:I am part of the siege weapon.
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Re: The Six Types of Roleplayers

Postby Corvus » Thu Sep 24, 2009 12:08 pm

Tevas wrote:Youre going to miss it, Corvus. They're all about to get their asses severely beat...by a moose...a moose eating walnuts...

OH NOEZ I WANNA BE THERE
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Re: The Six Types of Roleplayers

Postby Tevas » Thu Sep 24, 2009 12:22 pm

The moose is vorpal.
Tevas wrote:You will soon come to fear the Wrath of the Righteous.

Matt Larsen wrote:The defining characteristic of a warrior is the willingness to close with the enemy.

Ashen Spire wrote:I am part of the siege weapon.
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