.

Lost Things (Writing prompt for July)

2 posts / 0 new
Last post
Eagarcia1701
Lost Things (Writing prompt for July)

Title: Lost things
Genre: Fantasy
Target Audience: Interesting reads for me in the future.
Feedback type: My weak spots are spelling and grammar. I would appreciate any feedback (good or bad) in any of these areas including story structure.
.
Fennel ripped out the flail from the head of the last Lepus. Their weapons still hot and sizzling lay next to them on the ground searing the swampy muck underneath. Fennel would rummage through their pockets and take what was useful and leave. This is the way it always was. Other Dryads did not share the same sentiment towards other feywild as he. But its kept him alive this long. It wasn't going to stop him now.
.
Long ago when Fennel was but a sapling he was captured by a malevolent wizard who had performed various experiments on Fennel. The wizard was somehow able to take Fennels Fey given right to Take the Form of Stone and placed that powerful magic into a ring. Effectively taking Stoneform away from Fennel. When Fennel escaped it would be some time before he could track down the ring again. The ring had been sold and traveled far and wide all round Westmarch. The ring now lay in the hands of Lord Raokan after he had purchased it at a local trading caravan in the ancient city of Wavehaven. Not long after his purchase Lord Raokan had been the victim of a roadside robbery. Outmatched and outnumbered, Raokan put the ring on and immediately took the form of stone. But when the earth released him the ring had permanently attached itself to his finger.
.
Fennel had tracked Raokan all the way to Wyvern's Spur and was just about to kill him when Fennel heard a peculiar conversation. Jackie and Raokan were on their way to a new land where allegedly, the material plane and Feywild had blended together. The Dryad decided not to take revenge this night and would follow them to this… Wildmire? To fennel this would solve 2 problems. The first is acquiring the ring. The second is to get back to the feywild where the circle of dryads would reconvene and he could take his rightful place upon the council.
.
The night finally came just before Roakan and his caravan would reach Wildmire. Fennel lay waiting to ambush them. The druid Jackie Thatcher had spotted the Dryad first and a ferocious battle began. Raokan released a flurry of arrows hitting the Dryad in his natural armor on his right arm. By this time Raokans friend Zariel had finally finished putting on his armor and was barreling straight for the dryad. A loud crack came from the sky followed by a bright flash and Zariel would lay cooked and unmoving on the ground. Jackie screamed in panic and rushed to Zariels side. The flash had blinded Raokan for just enough time before he would be grappled and taken away by Fennel.
.
Deep in the feywild woods, fennel had Raokan pinned to a nearby Entangling mass. Fennel lifted his sword and as he looked into Raokans eyes, he took pity on Raokan. There was no way for him to know what he had taken. But there was only one way for the ring to come off. Load Raokan screamed in anguish as his bloodied hand lay upon the ground. Fennel knew this would draw attention and the Dryad picked up the hand, ripped the finger off along with the ring and vanished into the night.
.
A nearby fairy by the name of Gidig happened to hear Raokans cries and came to his aid. Luckily for Raokan, Gidig was very well versed in the arts of The White Light of Healing. And after a short “sword cut, spear stab, mace smash, arrow jab”, Raokans hand would return but with a scar upon which the ring had been affixed.
.
Fennel would find his way back home. And when he put the ring upon his wooden finger he once again gained his powers back. It would be a few more years before the council would convene. But in the meantime, fennel would watch from the darkness. To Fennel, humans and elves were never up to any good. They would only desecrate this sacred land he called home. So Fennel would lie and wait until once again he would get his final revenge.

Clenawe
Review

You asked for all of the feedback, so I can give you ALL of the feedback! You've literally asked for it. The first thing you've asked for is spelling and grammar. Spelling isn't my strongest suit, either. I did pop it in to MS Word to use the spell checker, and it came out just fine on spelling. Modern problems require modern solutions.

The grammar could use some help. One point I spotted a couple times is the apostrophes: when you're making something possessive it should be -'s rather than just -s. For example Raokan's would indicate something belonging to Raokan. Raokans would mean more than one Raokan, which I am not sure the world is ready for.

If you want to work on your grammar, the classic recommendation is Strunk and White's Elements of Style.  It's old and dry, but also short and useful. Another good book would be Stanley Fish's How to Write a Sentence. Both are dirt cheap, and I'd be happy to loan you my copies next time I see you at WS.

This is a good start. You're coming to this with a clear idea of the story you want to tell. You are starting strong with a really good, vivid image. Closing the story with a similar image to bookend the events--maybe Fennel stalking human hunters--would tie the story together nicely.