I've been thinkning about this poem for a couple days now, and I am still finding it hard to have meaningful feedback. A haiku is so short and has to do so much in those scant seventeen syllables.
That said, this is a quality haiku. The meter is correct. The imagery is good and consistent. It draws meaning from the images to inform what the poem is "really" about. This is really hitting all the points that a haiku is supposed to hit.
The only criticism I can muster is that the final line feels a bit overly direct.
Woo
I've been thinkning about this poem for a couple days now, and I am still finding it hard to have meaningful feedback. A haiku is so short and has to do so much in those scant seventeen syllables.
That said, this is a quality haiku. The meter is correct. The imagery is good and consistent. It draws meaning from the images to inform what the poem is "really" about. This is really hitting all the points that a haiku is supposed to hit.
The only criticism I can muster is that the final line feels a bit overly direct.